Forgiving & Not Forgiving: A New Approach to Resolving Intimate Betrayal Book

Forgiving... Forgiveness has long been a cornerstone of the Judeo-Christian tradition, an ideal embraced by religious leaders, psychotherapists, talk show hosts, and others, many of whom tend to assume that if you don't forgive, you're doomed to be a victim for the rest of your life. This assumption demonstrates how deeply ingrained forgiveness is as an ideal and as an imperative in our culture. ...& Not Forgiving Now, Dr. Jeanne Safer, a practicing psychotherapist for more than twenty years, comes forward to challenge popularly held beliefs about forgiveness, exploring such questions as: Is forgiving always appropriate or are some things unforgivable? Can we have closure and healing without forgiving? Is the act of forgiving always an honest one? Beginning with her own gripping story of betrayal, and drawing on over fifty intimate in-depth interviews with others, including a murderer, a princess, and a next-door neighbor, Dr. Safer offers a fresh and consoling challenge to conventional wisdom that forgiveness is the only route to resolution. When it comes to intimate betrayal, forgiveness is not always necessary or possible. However, coming to terms with the betrayal is, and that is what Dr. Safer addresses in this book. When should we try to forgive, and when should we refuse to do so? Can forgiving be willed? Do attitudes about forgiving change through the life cycles? Is it true that "to understand all is to forgive all"? And are all acts of forgiveness genuine? Dr. Safer points out that false forgiveness, the product of rationalization, lip service, and denial, does not lead to inner change. Often it is merely a superficial and suspect public display that estranges people from their deepest feelings and short-circuits genuine forgiving. Real changes of heart and mind are arduous, subtle, precious, and rare.Read More