Questions for Dr. Michelle Callahan on Ms. Typed Q: How do women sabotage their relationships? A: My theory is that most women are mistyped. As a result of their dating and every day life experiences, they have taken on a personality and dating type that doesn't reflect who they truly are, but reflects more of who they've allowed themselves to become as a result of their circumstances. They lose sight of their true personalities and see themselves through the world's lens, instead of through their own eyes as the women they were meant to be. When it comes to romance in particular, women often take on dating habits and behaviors that are counterproductive and undermine the development of healthy and successful relationships. It's as if they forget who they really are and their insecurities dominate their thoughts and behaviors. As a result, instead of exuding confidence and success, they often act insecure and desperate (even if they don't realize it). They don't want to be stuck acting this way, but they don't know how to stop sabotaging their relationships and reclaim their happiness. Q: Are you just blaming the victim by saying that women sabotage themselves? A: Absolutely not! My whole point is that women should not feel like powerless victims in their relationships. They have a lot of power and choices in relationships, they just need to stop choosing to use their power to try to change their partner (something only their partner can do) and use that time and energy to focus on changing themselves and their approach to life and love. You can't control what a man does but you can control how you respond to it. Q: What are dating types and who is Ms. Typed? A: Your dating type represents how you typically behave in dating situations. It's like your dating personality. Ms. Typed is a woman who has taken on dating behaviors and personality traits that don't reflect who she wants or is destined to be. In Ms. Typed I describe the top ten dating types to help women recognize their dating patterns, to understand why they act the way they do in dating relationships, and to show them how to change those dating behaviors that are no longer working for them or that don't represent who they are. Q: Can you tell us more about the dating types? A: There are ten different dating types. There's a quiz in the book to help you determine which dating type or types you are (yes, it's okay to be more than one type). Some of the most common dating types include: Ms. Second Place: She allows herself to be a low priority in a man's life. Ms. Sex Machine: She settles for physical intimacy when she really wants an emotional connection. Ms. Soul Mate: She so wants to be in love that she mistakes every date for "the one." Ms. Drama Queen: She only dates bad boys and unavailable men. Ms. Mom: She makes it a priority to fix her man's life instead of her own. Ms. Anaconda: She's so needy, she suffocates every man she dates. Ms. Independent: She's been hurt before and won't let her guard down. Q: If you're Ms. Typed, could you miss the opportunity to meet Mr. Right? A: Yes, Mr. Right could easily pass you by. You could miss out on the man youâ??ve been looking for because he's ready for you but you're not ready for him. This could be the man youâ??ve been hoping and praying for but if you and your life are a mess, in his healthy state of mind he might decide to move on. Men aren't going to want to date you if you don't have it together on the inside or the outside. So why not spend time when you're single working on being the best you can and resolving your own "issues" so that when he shows up, you're ready? Q: How can women stop sabotaging their relationships and find dating success? A: You can't change what you don't acknowledge so it helps to first determine your dating type because you can use it to identify what challenges you usually face in relationships and learn how to transform yourself. There is a quiz in Ms. Typed to help you determine your dating type and then there is a chapter in the book for each of the ten types filled with stories and specific advice for that type. I believe that improving your love life starts by improving yourself. When you are happy and healthy, love will come looking for you. The book includes a Ms. Typed Makeover Kit with exercises and specific advice on how to stop sabotaging your relationships by transforming yourself and then your relationships. My three-step makeover plan includes detailed information on how to do the following: 1) Create a vision for your life, 2) Let go of what's holding you back, and 3) Take action. Q: Why is it so important to take time out to focus on yourself both before and while dating? A: What women don't realize is that approaching dating and relationships from a position of desperation and weakness will not attract a healthy partner or long-term relationship. If they approach dating by first spending time making sure that they are happy with themselves and their lives without a partner, they will be much less vulnerable in dating relationships. Women's purpose or goal in life is not to find a mate; their goal should be health and happiness and that healthy state of being will bring Mr. Right to them.
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